Dear Father,

Dear Father, 

I couldn’t imagine my life without you; you have given me more than you will ever know. Our relationship is a paradox, molding me into this independent woman. Who would’ve guessed that abandoning your child and fleeing from responsibilities would bestow you such an honor? How does it feel to gaze into the mirror, knowing you’ll never truly know me? Here I am, carrying 23 of your chromosomes, half of my very essence intertwined with yours. I cannot scrub away this lineage, cannot wash off the indelible mark of your existence etched into my being.

You left me suspended in a purgatory of your making. I waited, yearning for the love that was never enough, always just out of reach. You crafted the demons that whisper doubts in my mind, haunting me with the echoes of your words: I would never make it, never be smart enough, never be talented enough. Your new family’s successes cast long shadows over me, leaving me on more doorsteps than I can count, always waiting, always hoping. I yearned for a father who belonged to another, always seeking the love that was never mine. When you sought validation, you would bestow upon me a fleeting hour or two, believing that brief moment fulfilled your duty to your daughter. I watched as you showered praise and love upon the children you created with her, showing up for them while I was left in the shadows. I watched you gaze at them in awe, never sparing me a glance. I saw you grow attached to them, while I remained a distant burden. I witnessed you love unconditionally children of yours, while I withered away in the cold, longing for a warmth that never came. 

As time flows onward, I wonder what the future holds for us. I can only imagine you as a phantom haunting my memories, eternally revoking the past. I search for answers, seeking the origins of my demons in the shadows you left behind. The truth is, I am content if you remain forever entombed in the memories of a desperate little girl. The woman who pens these words knows not who you are. Our interactions have faded into oblivion, leaving you as nothing more than a phantom drifting through the night, a shadow without substance in the tapestry of my life. 

Yet, from the ashes of your absence, I have risen. The hurt and the pain have become the soil from which my strength has grown. I have found resilience in the heartache and forged a spirit unbreakable. I am someone I am proud of, even if you never see it.