2 Week Notice

I’m giving up. I quit. I can’t bear this anymore! What am I completing? I’m breaking my back for pocket change and gas money. I’m making someone look good for 9 dollars an hour. I’m convincing people to invest hundreds of dollars on products that I wouldn’t even waste my money on. Why am I doing this?

Lying to myself:

I’m lying to myself that your words or insults don’t affect me. I’m ignoring the excess work and lack of appreciation. I’m working as fast as you need me to. I’m making the corrections that you wanna see. I’m being the girl you need with a big smile on my face. I took out my nose ring. I kept my hair the way you required it. I didn’t argue when you said that my makeup looked “too much.” I simply altered my lip color as you wanted. You said my body needed to be covered so I covered the areas that men didn’t need to see. I gave you everything you desired while the real me was suffering. I didn’t think removing a piercing or being restricted in attire would affect me so bad but it has. I was drowning, and you didn’t even notice. But I would’ve let myself drown it which meant I was doing a good job. I would’ve continued to work for you and keep authentic myself hidden from the world. 

Punishment:

I woke up late. I was racing to get to your store. I didn’t mean to sleep thru my alarm but it happened. I was overworked from school and I apologized and I said I wouldn’t do it again. Oh but that wasn’t worthy enough for you. I needed to be punished, and that’s how you gain your “respect” from others. An employee tormented me for hours that day. I was laughed at, and everyone knew I was late that one morning. I was made fun of. I was your example. I was your bitch to humiliate in front of everyone. 

I allowed you to say whatever you needed to say to me and wasn’t gonna argue or even defend myself. All I knew was that I officially checked out that day. You weren’t gonna get any more of me. You weren’t gonna have me be your chew toy anymore. I was setting myself free from you. You tried to cage me and mold me into your ideal but you cant. I’m not like everyone else and that’s what makes me so fucking special. I’m better than your average employee, and you knew it. But what you didn’t realize was I had a mind of my own and I won’t let you define my path. I refuse to kiss your ass and compliment you. I refuse to listen to your sweet little lies anymore.

Please like me!

I wanted to be accepted by you, but I didn’t like you. Infact everything you stood for was insulting my very being. You pretended to be so nice but actually, you couldn’t stand me. Why? I did what you wanted but I did them too well. You didn’t like I could do my job with very little direction from you. I was too good at it. I scared you. You wore and will repeatedly be threatened by me. I am a badass. I am kickass at my job. I was doing my job better then you could’ve ever imagined. You wore a scared little chihuahua with a bigger bark and small bite. 

You intimated this mature woman and caused me to feel like a little girl. You knew in the back of your mind, that you couldn’t keep me small. You resorted to all the tricks you acquired in your arsenal. You made me fear for my job. You bribed me into doing a better job. You tried to develop a relationship with me. You demanded me to be your dear minion, and I refused. I’m am  sorry if I gave you the wrong impression and made you believe I would be your bitch. You see my dear, I’m not like those other guinea pigs you have. I’m a HIBC and you can’t manage me.