Liar

Can you be 100% you without living in isolation? The real question is who are you?

Are you the same person as you are with friends and family? Do you comprise to have healthy relationships? Are we all wearing masks that are covering our true selves!

The truth that I’ve observed internally and externally is that we cannot stay true to ourselves and maintain any type of relationship without compromising who we are. In some ways, we are not staying true to ourselves when we choose to have relationships with other people. Why is that? 

Fear of rejection

 We hate the word no! Human beings cant not stand to feel isolated from other human beings. Our desire for intimate relationships is far greater then I desire to be ourselves. Especially in southern American culture, human beings wanna feel included in organizations and peer groups. So what do you do to fit in? Well, you agree on the same morals or purpose of the community, you typically act the same, and you dress the same. 

Mirror image

We as people never want to feel like we are miss out on anything or that we are being left behind, so we follow another person or group lead. We seek comfort in numbers. So if everyone is buying Patagonia pullover then, of course, I need one as well. If everyone is buying a yeti dog food bowl then, of course, my dog needs one. Why? What’s the point of keeping with the trends of the season? We are not buying a shirt in a store or an overpriced bowl (your dog couldn’t give a shit about how long their water stays cold, they eat cat poop!), we are buying a feeling! What feelings are we buying? Happiness? Wrong answer! Satisfaction? You’re getting closer!!! You’re buying a sense of belonging. You will buy whatever it is to feel like you belong. 

So what does any of this relate to our individuality and relationships?

Well, our basic need to socialize is the very thing that destroys us. Isn’t that ironic. We need human interaction to be fulfilled in life but it also acts as a poison to our bodies. How you must ask? We self-sacrifice our beliefs to fit into this mold people have for us. We wear different masks around different people. We act according to our audience and then we perform. We have different versions of ourselves according to the company we keep. If this is true then think about the version of yourself that people see. I had a former (rightfully so) friend of mine tell me I was high maintenance and a valley girl. And I pondered as to why she would say that? Its because she only sees one side of me. She never saw the girl who spent hours reading or studying. She never saw me draw or paint. She never saw me binge-watch my favorite shows. She never saw me work extremely hard at my job either. She only saw me spend my money in different ways and then she drew conclusions and painted a narrative for me. My ex-boyfriend was the same way when he only thought of me as being a one-sided individual. He saw a side of me that was far from who I was. What about my coworkers? What do they see me as? People will always draw their background and narrative for you. To everyone you someone different but who are you to you? Are you as simple as what some may think? Or are you more complex than what some consider you as?