Langston

Dear Langstons,

Its been the best of times and its been the worst of times. Its been a time of learning and it been a time of bliss. Its been the happiest of times and its been the darkest of times.

Through these days we’ve grown closer together and further apart at the same time. We’ve struggled through life and death. And when death came in the black carriage for one of our own, we all stood like pale phantoms awaiting our turn. We lost someone who seemed to be the only person that we could never imagine losing. We not only lost a vital member of our family but we lost the traditions we had, we lost the light the filled the room, we lost our support system, and we lost our selves. 

Death did not only stop for our beloved one but he also stole our hearts with him that day. Even today we are still missing a piece of our hearts that belong to our beloved one, Weezie.

Dear, Weezie

I’ve found that I still haven’t said goodbye to you. I refuse to say goodbye as if it wore the last time. 

I refuse to not look out the door and think about my sunny youth. It is because of you that I never counted the days we shared. 

But death was counting for you. 

Did he know that I never stopped needing you and, so would he not stop for you if he had known?

Did he know that you wore leaving behind a great-granddaughter who needed more guidance, so would he not stop for you if he had known?

Did he know that you wore the heavenly light that brightens a room, so would he not stop for you if he had known?

Did he know how vacant my life would be without you, so would he not stop for you if he had known?

I believe he did know and he took you because you wore too good for this mortal world. You didn’t belong here. You wore the embodiment of heaven in a human form. A heavenly creature doesn’t belong to us. So when he stopped for you its because you wore going home. And that is why death stopped for you and broke our hearts that day.

Heartbroken but not alone:

My chest tightened and I fell to the floor. I couldn’t breathe. My heart slowed down. My eyes flooded with tears. As my mom held me in the house that I grew up in. This house managed to become so empty yet full of worldly goods. My mom cried with me, my uncles cried with me, my aunts cried with me, and my grandfather cried with me. At that moment I felt that I lost my entire world. But what I didn’t see was that I may have lost my world but I was gaining a new one. 

I couldn’t imagine a world where my great-grandmother isn’t making grits and bacon for breakfast. I never thought id see the day where my great-grandmother wasn’t standing next to me signing gospel in that small church. I never wanted to see that day but it came. 

And so my great-grandmother was gone and I would stand in that same kitchen with the echoes of the past and the ghost of yesterdays. 

But I wasn’t standing alone. I had my family surrounded me and even though we wore unsure of the future we did know that our lives would change significantly

So much has changed:

My life has two chapters and that is the time with Weezie and the time after Weezie. The time after Weezie has been an uphill battle. As we’ve as a family has tried to keep in contact its been rather difficult now that we seem to have dissipated. We don’t have random Sunday dinners anymore. We don’t have an excuse to all be at the same place at the same time. Our entire routines changed overnight. 

It’s taken us a long time to finally have new traditions and truly become a united family once more. I don’t think we’ve ever moved on from Weezie but we seem to all be okay. We never gave up on our family either. We knew that we wouldn’t go back to the way things wore but we managed to start over. 

Better late than never:

 I’ve never felt the need to change my last name. I wasn’t born a Langston. And I was born with a Last name that wasn’t my family. 

When my great-grandmother passed away, I didn’t feel alone. I had support and love from the Langstons. We cried together, we’ve loved together, and we’ve supported each other. I can officially say that I’ve chosen to take my mother’s family name. 

I’ve always been a Langston and its finally time to change my name. 

Yours truly, 

Storm Langston