Lose you too love me

Lose you too love me

I undoubtedly gained love with someone. When you walked away, I thought I was broken. I thought I was wounded. I discovered a version of myself that I loved. I found out that love wasn’t something I had to earn. I found someone who cherishes me.

Much appreciated for the pain. Much obliged for voluntarily abandoning me. I know love is eerie to lose. I was holding on so tight that neither of us could breathe properly. I allowed myself to become detached from objective reality. I didn’t recognize the pain I was causing myself by having you remain in my life. I was sabotaging myself. I was not growing. I was running in a circle. I was so petrified to depart from you that I decided to lose myself. I promptly stopped achieving the things that made me happy. I condemned you. I cautiously pushed all my feelings aside to make you appreciate me. I lost myself.

Well, here I am 10 years later, and I no longer am holding on to you. I no longer longed for the love you never communicated with me. I allowed you to leave. I gained a love for myself from your imminent departure. By losing you, I gained the love I’ve always wanted.

I was furious when you didn’t keep me as your daughter, and you preferred them. In the present circumstances, I look back and am eternally grateful. I naturally assumed you dearly loved them because I was intentionally broken. I wasn’t good enough for you to stay or even fight to see me. I instantly realized there wasn’t a need to wait at the door for you because you weren’t coming. I didn’t need to call you when I needed new shoes, because you weren’t coming. I didn’t need you; to support my graduation, because you weren’t coming.

I needed you so many times, but you never came. I cried many times, and sometimes I would pretend you had died, so that way I could preserve my own ego. However, now I say we have parted ways, we never had a relationship that I wanted for us. I wanted to have a daddy-daughter dance when I do marry, and I naturally wanted a dad to show up to my graduation. I wanted a devoted dad to help me move into my dorm room.

Now, Im continuously doing all these things without you, and I realized I don’t need you. I can properly hang a picture on a wall. I can repair my own car. I can fix my own washing machine. I don’t need a devoted dad. I’ve got myself to rely on.