Who

Who even are you? You are not who you said you wore. You are not the man I wanted you to be. You were not a man that loved me more than yourself (if at all.). Are you a zombie? Mindless and oblivious? No. Unofrontley not. Are you a vampire? Draining me of the life that I loved? No. You are a coward. I wanted to write to destroy you and hurt you, but I could not put the words on paper. I wanted to write about how much I gave up because of you, but that seemed difficult to write without crying. You see I don’t fall in love daily. I wish I did. I don’t call random people to talk to because I’m bored. I never allow random people to take up memories in my brain because I’m afraid of being alone.

I loved you, and it’s painful. I’m not sure what the next step is for me, and yet you wouldn’t care to know. You walked away from me because you wore stressed, and I was too difficult to manage. Well, I’m glad you left me. I don’t need a clown pretending to be anything more. You wore tired of talking to me, then your answer is to stop speaking altogether. Okay. If that’s what you want then so be it. I hope you’re happy with your outcome, but the pain never affected you as it did me. You will always be okay and on to the next thing before the last one is used up.

Okay. Well, I hope you know that you lost everything when you lied to me. You lied to me, and I believed it. I thought work was too difficult, but it was her. I hope she’s as beautiful if not more than a rising sun. I hope her heart is honest. I hope she brings peace to your life and laughs with you. I hope you found the love you’ve been searching for in your life. I hope you know that money will never fix any pain and that love isn’t forever. I hope she was worth it. I want you to be happy. I could never wish harm onto you or anyone for what you did to me.

The manipulation tactic you used make me think I was crazy. Or the lies you made me believe. The truth was staring me in the face. I guess I knew it was never forever, and it didn’t matter how hard I tried to keep us together it was never gonna be enough.I wasn’t her. I would never be her. You seem to think that love just happens when you meet someone, but you’re wrong. Love, at first sight, isn’t love it’s infatuation and lust. Love is when you would give up time to be with someone.You would pause for a moment to understand what your partner is needing. Love is about the small things every day that add up to the big moments in our lives. You see it’s the commitment over some time that shows determination. The jokes between the two of you make you closer together. The sex that brings reassurance that this connection is more than just a friendship. You didn’t hurt me when you found someone new, but you hurt me when you compromised those aspects to please someone else.

It’s the feelings of betrayal that truly hurt me. You start telling yourself that all the lies wore lies and that this man was a clown wearing a mask. I wish I could write hateful things, and that I want nothing for you, but that’s not true. I want you to find peace within yourself and whomever the next woman in your life is. I just know that I was never as important as you made me believe in you. I was never gonna be more than some notch on a bedpost to you. I guess that’s what hurts my heart. I was nothing more than just a pawn you sacrificed to make the next move. I was disposable to you, and that’s what ill always be in your mind. I guess I’m okay with the outcome. I cant show you my worth or tell you how much you should value me. That’s evident, but I will tell you that you will never find another like me.

You see I am not impressed with money. All it is a concept we place value too. I’m not impressed with your job title. So what you do something boring or exciting? I don’t care. I find no value in the things you own, or the car you drive. Cars are all the same and the things you own and value will outlive you. I don’t care about your background or where you came from. That’s not something someone can understand or even judge. I do care about who you are. Who are you without your job, without your electronics, without your worldly possessions? Who are you at night when the phone is turned off, and no one is there with you? All I ever wanted to know was you, but you would rather run away than ever be vulnerable. So keep hiding behind the next Apple Watch, air pods, BMW, and so on! You will find a plethora of people who sees what you have and find you desirable. I hope you can see which one sees you for you. Goodbye.