Dear Ghost,

Dear Ghost,

Its been a few years since you last heard from me or have seen me. For that I am grateful. You see you wore the one haunting my dreams. You wore far from a friendly ghost but rather a demon ready to steal my soul. I believed in you. I trusted you. I confided in you.

What did you do? You used my words and you twisted and corrupted them for your amusement. You laughed at me. You called me the worst names that I’ve ever been called. You got a following that encouraged you. I knew that they wore fools but you wore someone more cunning then they.

I wanted to shine a light on you. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. I wanted to fight back but I was locked in a soundproof cage and you held the key.

I was trying to claw my way out but at some point, I realized that those very walls wore stronger than me. I fell to the ground and stayed there for two years. I was careful about what to say online because I feared you. I was careful what to say to others because I feared you. I was careful what to tell my own mother because I feared you. I was careful. I walked on thin ice for two years.

The saddest thing was that your physicality had left a long time ago, but your ghost remained and he wanted to play. The gifts you gave me wore nothing more then demons lurking over my shoulder. I listened to their cruel words and took them as truth.

I was a whore.

I was a slut.

I was ugly.

I was fat.

I was stupid.

I was a funny girl.

You wore right and I was wrong.

You’re words echoed for years. I relived every memory and every insult for years. I choose to stay silent because of the words you had said to me. It was my fault that a man sexually assaulted me while I was intoxicated. What would happen if I had been sober? Even though I told him to get off of me several times and you watched him attack me.

I didn’t have the strength in my upper body to push him off of me. I was weak. And you blamed me. It was my fault. I was the slut. I was the drunk girl that shouldn’t have been drinking. What about my outfit choice? Aww, it must have been my oversized jersey that grabbed his attention.

You’re right I was asking for a man to put his hands on me. I wanted to feel shame and guilt for nearly two years. I wanted to have every relationship after being drastically affected by this one. I wanted to have my body clench up every time a man comes in 10 yards of me. I wanted to have to look over my shoulder and to never have a man be behind me. I wanted to feel as if it was my fault. I wanted to feel worthless or like I was disposable. I never wanted any of those things. But you and that man gave theses demons to me and wrapped them up with a big red bow.

I was a pure white virgin and you turend me into a wingless butterfly. What does a butterfly do when their wings are gone? How do I function? What is my purpose?

I would’ve loved to have died after that.

You did the worst thing a single human being could do to another person. You destroyed my self-worth. I had goals and ambitions. I was gonna be the greatest film director of all time. I was gonna tackle a male-dominated field. I was gonna graduate with honors. I was gonna make something of myself.

My whole life changed when you choose to torment me for three months after that incident. You called me names for months. You laughed at me for months. You wrote nasty words on my door. You made fun of me for months. You recruited others to follow your pursuit. You called me a psycho and a liar. You destroyed me reputations with your words.

I would’ve loved to have walked away from you but you loved that we lived in the same house. I was your toy to play with. I begged to leave and I wanted to walk away. You knew I couldnt and you enjoyed every second of it.

I was stuck. I was stuck there for the year. I had paid money to live with my sorority sisters. Gamma phi beta was nothing more than a monster that I allowed to trample over me. I allowed this monster to hold me captive for a year and I was nothing more then a prisoner.

This is my response to you. I’m calling you out! I’m telling you that this demon you gave me is no longer mine to claim. I’m giving it back to you. You’ve hurt me for the last time.

Remember when you kept this butterfly in a cage and you proudly showed it off? Oh. It must have been bittersweet for you, because you could control a wild spirt then, but you knew you wouldn’t be able to keep me locked up forever.

Remember when you cut off my wings when I wanted to leave you? You killed me that day. I became the ghost of who I once was. I was a hollow shell looking for anything to give me purpose. Thank you! You may not know but that day you cut off my wings and killed me was the day you set me free from your tyranny. 

After several years, my wings have been fully restored and with more vibrant colors than ever before. Im no longer caged butterfly but a free spirit. I’m no longer afraid to walk away from toxicity because I was able to do it with you. I’m no longer scared of anyone. I refuse to ever be in a cage ever again. You did your harm to me but you also taught me a lesson. I’m a lot stronger then you are. I can vanquish you. I can say goodbye to you. I can walk away from you. See you needed me, I was your prize. Well what are you now when your prize has left you? You are just another poacher looking to pluck a majestic creature away from its habit. You are nothing more than a ghost. 

“You may shoot me with your words, You may cut me with your eyes, You may kill me with your hatefulness, But still, like air, I’ll rise.” Maya Angelou

Love, Storm