Nostalgia is a wonderful feeling, as long as you don’t constantly live in the past. When I get nostalgic it typically triggers old memories of old friends. And as I begin to wonder why I don’t I talk to these old friends anymore? Well if I have good memories and there wasn’t a falling out of some kind then why aren’t these people still in my life? What was the reason? And then I started to wonder, why do some friends stay in our lives and others don’t? Why are some friends here for a season and others for a lifetime? What purpose is this serving to our mental health? Does it say something about myself that I’ve had and continue to have several friends that come into my life and leave like a revolving door? Is It strange at 21 years old that I feel like I’ve had more friends come and go then stay? Well, I figured the best way to get an answer to any of these questions was to go outside myself and also retrospective thinking.
why don’t I talk to old friends anymore?
Old friends are such a relative term that it’s hard to say whos old and whos new. What do I mean by that? The idea of “Old friends” is a strange concept when we start to realize that as human beings in this modern society, we are growing and changing during every aspect of our lives (I hope you are). How can we relate to someone when they aren’t going through the same journey we are? It’s the same idea of when you come back home from college and you run into your friends that didn’t go to college. It may not seem like a big deal but you start to realize that both of you are on two different journeys that the other will never understand fully. It doesn’t matter what choices you make in life (It’s your life) but it does affect your relationships. Time may heal wounds but time also creates distance between you and your friends.
Who are the five people you spend the most time with?
It may seem strange but when we as people begin to start looking for new aspects of our lives and we are trying to find “ourselves” we tend to find new things in our lives that give us more emotional meaning. When we start to look for new things, then we leave our old habits behind. Sometimes by leaving our old habits, then we realize that we should also distance ourselves from old friends as well. I’m not saying that you don’t agree with your friends eating habits then you say bye to them forever(that would be hard because Im vegetarian). But, what I am saying is that you are who you surround yourself with and if you wanna change then you need to change your surroundings.“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”-Jim Rohn.
Friends come in Seasons.
I find that I have some friends that stand the test of time and distance but others that don’t seem to make it a year. And why is that? Well, I’ve only been able to come to one conclusion and that’s the quality of the person. Yep, I’d said it. The quality of an individual is crucial to having a lifelong friendship. The friends that don’t stay are the ones that are users, stationary, and demoralizing. I don’t mean stay as in they couldn’t be in the same proximity as you but rather they aren’t even a small part of your life. I’ve had friends that I had to personally walk away from simply because they couldn’t be happy for me. If you’re a little jealous then that’s normal!! I mean when “friends” start to say things like “you’re just a valley girl with a southern accent” or “I doubt you could understand this because of this isn’t your thing”. Um. Hurtful!! Like where is this coming from? It didn’t matter if I was in a room full of girls at the sorority house where I was told “You can’t have 3 majors that’s too much” or “Trick of all trades but a master of none.” Those statements that some WOMEN (I wanted to emphasize women because these were not highschool girls but rather girls who are in their 20’s) told me, I started to believe them. And what ended up happening was that I started to think these WOMEN wore right, I wasn’t able to have multiple degrees. Maybe these women(who wore suppose to encourage and guide me) wore right? Let me stop you right there!! If you have someone telling you that you have limits to what you can achieve in this world, then you should tell them goodbye (and don’t let the door hit you on the way out or bless your heart). Friendships are supposed to encourage you and push you forward, they are not suppose to limit you.
We need people!! Its true!
I’m not saying to alienate everyone out of your life that you don’t feel like is agreeing with you. But rather, start surrounding yourself with people that inspire you or motivate you. That doesn’t mean find a yes man or woman. You want someone who’s gonna keep it real with you! Trust me you can find a hype person on any corner you turn. But you can’t find someone that cares enough about you to be real with you on every corner. My bestie,Sidney, keeps it real with me when I think I’ve developed some new disorder for the week or when a new boy that I think I’m in love with comes along. She will look me dead in the face and be like he isn’t worth your time or how is your spiritual relationship lately? Start thinking who is in your corner. If you are in a ring right now who is gonna be there to wipe your face and encourage you to keep going and then who is not gonna even show up to watch your match. If you can’t count on them to be there in the big moments than honey say bye! If you can’t tell if they would or wouldn’t then honey Goodbye! The easiest way to tell is if they wore there for you in the small moments. If they can’t even be there for you when small things happen because they will then what makes you think when the shit hits the fan (Like really) that they will be there. My whole world (very dramatic) seemed to be at a standstill when I decided to leave the sorority and move back home. Let me tell you out of all those followers on Instagram and Facebook friends, only 4 people reached out to me. 4! We are all supposed to be sisters(only when it looks good for a photo or our numbers!!). I realized who would show up for me when my back was against the wall. I couldn’t go back to my dream school and I felt like I’d given up everything and everyone had given up on me. Before I left, I would’ve told you I had hundreds of friends just in my sorority alone. And that I had the world’s best friend that wouldn’t judge me and that I could complain(she only wanted to hear me complain) about everything and everyone. You know what stung the most was that my best friend didn’t want to hear it if it wasn’t about her or that she was so focused on making friends that she didn’t believe I would fit into her group anymore.
If I could turn back time, I wouldn’t.
Why? I have rose-colored glasses on when I look back at some of the good times I’ve had. And if I’m being honest I wanna keep it that way. I don’t want to look back at every memory and find the negative or what I could’ve done differently because that’s not helpful. I don’t need to criticize and crucify the person I was, because I needed those lessons to learn and grow. If I hadn’t experienced what I did in a sorority or with friends, then how would I’ve known what a quality relationship look like? Also, I learned what was I gonna allow and what I wasn’t gonna allow in any type of relationship? So, looking back I realized that maybe what those WOMEN had taught me was that you don’t make real friends by just joining a sorority, but rather you make true friends by choosing to better yourself, and your real friends will be in the ring beside you.
Dark&Stormi 
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