Finding Your Anchor!!

 Finding your Anchor is an essential part of living a happy and fulfilled life. How is that? What even is an Anchor? Are you talking about an actual anchor? What does having an anchor add to your life? Now, these are responsible questions, but let me start off by saying that i’m not talking about a physical anchor attached to a ship(If you want one that’s up to you). My definition of anchor is the very thing that grounds you and keeps you sane when everything else seems chaotic. 

People Suck! But you don’t have too!!

Let me get this off my chest and be real with you. An anchor cannot and should not be a single person or group of people! If you’re wondering why someone cannot be your anchor, well the honest answer is that they can’t show up for you every-time you want them to. A person is complex. Just like I am changing, so is the next person. With saying that, nobody is the same as they were! So, how can someone who is changing be the thing that grounds you? The answer is that they can’t! I learned this (read “Rock-bottom is a great Foundation”) the hard way! Leaving that sorority showed me several things, but what it made me realize that no one will care or show up for you if you don’t! That boyfriend who may mean the world to you right now isn’t your anchor! Because honey, he may or may not be there tomorrow or 10 years from now. The only thing that will be constant in your life and mine is that we are the ones living it. Bottom line! If you don’t prove to yourself that you can count on yourself,then no single human can do it for you. If you are anything like me, then friends come and go and so do relationships, but what stays the same? Your Anchor! I will scream it from a rooftop if I have too. You need an Anchor!!!!!

Finding your own Anchor!

Where do you start to find your Anchor? I couldn’t tell you that! Why? We are all different souls living the human experience, but I can tell you how I found mine and what that is. I was in a relationship with a boy (Why does it always start with a boy?) and when it ended on mutual terms, it crushed me. I mean like really crushed me. I drove to an empty parking lot and cried for 40 mins. I then drove 30 mins (bad idea when your upset) to this city I had never been and got lost. Finally, I went home and laid in bed and cried myself to sleep for three days ( way too long). So, what’s wrong with this picture? I was so focused on this boy that I didn’t make time for the very thing that was supposed to ground me! I didn’t have an anchor! I was lost and confused and felt like my life was purposeless (dramatic! I know but that’s just me). I’m grateful for my mother checking in on me and giving me pep talks, but to be honest none of them worked! Why did none of them work? I didn’t give myself a place or mindset that was entirely my own! Like I said I was consumed by this boy and everything he did that I didn’t acknowledge that I was an individual  first! After two weeks of wondering if he was ever going to message me again or text me, I decided to drive nearly 2 hours to go rock climbing! Have I ever been rock climbing? NOPE. But did I look online for what I should wear and the closest rock climbing center? YES! And so I said Yes to something new! When I arrived at this center, I had no idea what to do. I watched the mandatory safety video (always boring. More like I watched my phone with the video as background noise) and have a certified instructor explain the gear and the different ways to rock climb.Um was all I could think when he handed me my harness and waved me bye. Like sir, are you really gonna leave me here? Like isn’t someone gonna help me? So I struggled to get my harness on, but I managed! If you have common sense, then you can figure out the leg holes. (Oh boy! The harness was the easy part). So step 1 looking the part was done! I’ll take a cute photo and say I did something exciting on my instagram with some random motivational caption.

What came next was the hard part! The climb! Oh my goodness! I was amazed that everyone around me was able to climb these walls because this girl couldnt get six inches off the ground! What was I doing wrong? How was everyone off the ground and I was still at the very bottom? I attacked this wall so many times and I wasn’t making nearly as much progress as a lot of these people in this room. You know what did change in me was that I got angry! I was furious that these people could climb this wall and I couldn’t.Instead of going home and never talking about that rock climbing experience ever again (remember I had drove two hours!!I wasn’t leaving that easily!), I was persistent in going at this wall! If a child can climb this wall then heck at 21 years old, so can I! I started realizing that I should be careful where I place my feet and that it’s not all about arm strength. I got lost in trying to improve my technique that I got six feet off of the ground! I made the mistake of looking down and oh boy that 6 feet is really tall from a birds eye view. My initial reaction was hell yeah and then I had realized I didn’t plan a way down. If you know anything about rock climbing by yourself using a harness, then honey that ground is gonna hurt a little bit! My immediate thought was that I need to ask someone to help me down but another part of me got in the way (ego, pride , whatever you wanna call it) and that was the moment I realized I’m not asking for help! I don’t need help with this! I slowly climbed down the way I came and I was on the ground! Relief!!! I didn’t die or break any bones! YAY!!! As soon I got on the ground and unclipped my harness from the pulley machine, I went straight to my phone and deleted that boys number! I knew in that moment that I didn’t need him or any boy really! I can climb a rock wall and get down all on my own! 

Finding your anchor is easy but using it everyday is the most important part!!

Immediately after that rock climbing trip, the next day I went to the gym. I wanted to be stronger for the next rock climbing session and the next one! Rock climbing is not my anchor! The rock climbing facility was two hours away (and it wasn’t cheap for a membership) and so how could I make that a routine thing for me? It wasn’t rock climbing that made me realize that I need to show up for myself, it was the act of rock climbing! It was the idea of how do I get off the ground and how do I get back to the ground. Then it hit me! It was the gym! The gym is and always will be my ANCHOR! If Im feeling anxious or stressed then i’m going to the gym no matter the time! Im gonna do something that looks really hard and I’m gonna be good at it! Today marks nearly 6 months of me finding my anchor and using it (YAY!)!!  I haven’t stopped going to the gym! Why? Because it’s the one place I can go to and know that my only hurdle is challenging myself. I’m gonna go to the gym and I’m gonna outwork everyone there! No one’s gonna beat me at this! Just like that feeling at the wall when everyone was far above me (quite literally), that is the same feeling I feel nearly every time I hit the gym! There will always be someone who is better at _________ ( insert whatever). But does that mean you just sit there and accept that? HELL NO! I will never accept that! It just means I gotta show up everyday like I do at the gym and know that no one is gonna out work me!